hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
