Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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