Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
