I accidentally had phone sex last night
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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