I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize