fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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