so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
