I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
