she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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