She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize