ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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