dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
