I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
