Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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