It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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