Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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