i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
