im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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