they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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