What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
