YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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