I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
