please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she peed on how many people?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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