i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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