My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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