Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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