He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
