Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
