I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My penis needs a shock collar
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize