Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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