Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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