You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
