what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
