She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
