The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
