my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
