its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
