Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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