i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
