Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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