these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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