You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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