Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
God, I missed his penis.
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