i think i have two assholes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
