so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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