JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
