Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
