Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
