Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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