Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
