my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
