Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
