I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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