i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
