If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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