I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
