I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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