you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
