hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
