We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
