it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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