i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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