I'm lost and stupid without you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
