My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
