remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize