p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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