we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
