I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
