he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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