She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
