he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
