I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
