Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
