I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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