chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
