he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
